Lies&Alibies

Thursday, February 12, 2009 @ 3:25 PM

Owh Fcuk! Its been few days from my last update. Wahh, really, I've been so busy! With school's assignments, projects, roleplay and powerpoint presentation. My oh my. I tell you, My head is so gonna explode sooner or later. This few weeks its gonna be so hectic for me! Ya lor, its like less than a month to my exams and less than 2 mths to Higher Nitec. Wahh sian lei! All in one shot! Super tired lei! This is only Nitec not yet Higher Nitec or worst Poly. I think sooner or later I'll ended up in Polyclinic. haha ok lame. I know. -_-"

Today, self-declared holiday. Coz class starts at 1300hrs and ends at 1600hrs. & Im not willing to spend my time travelling from Teck Whye to Simei for just that few pathetic hours of lesson. Slack kan Zairina! Yeah, I know. With this kind of attitude, me? in H-Nitec? Oh gosh! Hee, but no worries only for today coz seriously I want to achieve what I want. Thus, for a better me, i need to go to school and put my ass on the chair and listen to my lecturers. haha! Nevermind, can make it. Only few weeks down the road to graduation. So, lets move on. Talking bout school is so making me sicked!

My blog is becoming more boring! With no pics, with no spicy and juicy story to tell and so on! Looking at my blog, i feel like changing my layout but i just cant think of what to do with my blog. Boring or what sia Zairina! Bla bla bla~ And afta so long, last 2 days met up with Dayah & AfiQ. Its like berzaman, you know. Us, the trio, will lepak together but eversince Afiq got a girl, less lepak liao! And now, Dayah got her new hubby & a new work place, means less lepak! haha. We used to be 2 den 3 den 4 den 3 back. Duhh. What i mean is, first me & dayah only. Den, with afiq. Den with Raihan den left only the 3 of us coz eversince Raihan got a bike, dah jadi abang2 motor, action siow! Yeah, people changed.. What do u expect? Haa..

Ok move on again. Let me share a story about this one love story of mine. I got to know this guy few years back. His name was "R". "R" is a good guy. He's not that handsome but cute yet so adorable & lovable plus he's sweet with attractive body & captivating eyes. Ahaa.. Got to know "R" through a long lost friend on a road trip. From Friends to Hangout Friends to Hangover Friends to Close Friends. "R" is obviosly one in a million. Although he got this "matrep" looks but he aint a "matrep". "R" is categorized as "modernize punks" who loved those hardcore musics with hardcore piercing but no tattoos. Time flies, the thing called "Love" grew. "R" tried his best to prove that guys are not the same and me, forever, being the vain and ego one, says "Guys will always be Guys".

Soon, i fall. Fall really hard for "R". He's the sweetest thing that came after my last. From few months to year. From year to years. And we, perhaps, It is Me who decided to end what we had. Its not about our love fades. But Its me who being indecisive and insecure. What do you expect? A lady will always be a Lady. hee. "R" is so committed & responsible. He's the guy that every girl wanted. Yes, im being stupid for letting him go.. Many asked "why?" and "what more do you want from a good guy like him?" but I gave no response.

"R" knows everything about me, yes, Everything. We went through hell and heaven together. We shared the common interest together. "R" was everything but out of my stupidity, I broke his heart. Eventho' we're separated. "R" still remains by my side til now even he's not my last. Told "R" umpteen times to move on with life, but there's no response from "R" and all he got to say is "I cant and Idk why." For me, I want the best of him & he deserved better. I've tried running away from "R" but "R" keep coming back. Is this what true love is? I dont know.

Now, I totally avoid "R". Am i being stupid to leave someone who loves me? Idk.

Below is a post, Depicted in Zal's blog.

the worst thing in the world is seeing the one you love with the one they love. you always love the one who leaves you and leave the one who loves you.

Am i, people? Tell me. I remembered "R" wanted to reconcile what we have but i gave "R" no fixed answer. Am I being so Naive? Self-centered? "R" trying his best to reconcile and Me, just lazing around without taking notice. I felt secured wen Im with "R" but Im much more happier being with "I" who is a friend of "R". Am I being a Bitch? Idk. Im stuck between two. Tell me people, what I need to do? In life, I seek an answer but the answer that im searching for, is nowhere to be found. So many questions but yet so little answer.

Its complicated but I've yet to make a decision. Now, "R" and "I" is a good friend of mine. Love? It's out of the question. Neither, Im seeking for love at the moment nor wanting to break their heart. If love is a crime, I shall lock my heart out. Im stuck and Confused. Help me people. I need an answer. :')

Oke! Im done! Wah!! Its a long post! And very "Jiwang". Haaa. I felt like sharing so, this is where i pour it out. I guess, im ending my post here. Take care people.

xoxo;

Miracles doesnt happen if you wish for it